


La Dia De Las Flores

by klatukatt



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Dubious Consent, F/M, I don't know how to tag this, M/M, Multi, No actual sex, Sex Pollen, Sexy Times, and doesn't take advantage of drunk people, because merle is a good friend, implied sex, pan is pan-sexual
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-10
Updated: 2018-03-10
Packaged: 2019-03-29 13:22:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13927977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/klatukatt/pseuds/klatukatt
Summary: Merle's soulwood arm is in bloom but the flowers have an interesting effect on the people around him. Can he figure out the mystery before doing something he is gonna regret?Nothing graphic, just a fun flirty fic.





	La Dia De Las Flores

It was night on the beach, and too dark to see the crashing waves. Merle could feel the cold sand between his toes and smell the lush plants of their island base, though all he could see was the blanket of glittering stars overhead. Someone else was with him in the dark: a presence that was familiar but Merle couldn’t name, one that made him think of more, uh, pleasurable times. He reached out to touch it and—

Merle woke up. It took him a minute to adjust to his surroundings. Those weren’t crashing waves, it was Magnus snoring in the next room. He wasn’t on the ocean planet from long ago, though the smell of it lingered in his mind, he was on the moonbase for the Bureau of Balance, or whatever the hell Lucretia was calling it now. They had just got back from a mission late last night and had crashed at the THB suite (the full name of Tres Horny Boys was not allowed on their door) rather than head back to their more permanent homes.

Merle took a deep breath and realized the room didn’t have the stank of exhausted adventurers, instead it smelled fresh and floral, like the memory of his dream. As Merle pushed himself up he noticed what might be the cause: his soulwood arm was blooming. It was spotted with small pink flowers that had a brilliant yellow center. Merle sniffed closer and confirmed he smelled fantastic. He pulled on a fresh shirt, releasing another wave of scent, and went to the kitchen where he knew Taako would be cooking.  
“Hey Taako, can you help me figure out this flower?”  
“I thought you were the plant man, my man.” Taako was cooking ‘just for himself’ which was, as usual, a ridiculous amount of food that he would then ‘forget about’ and Magnus would descend upon. There was, however, one cup of coffee set aside for Merle.  
“Well, I can talk to em,” said Merle as he climbed into his seat, “but you kinda know more about the actual knowledge of nature.” Merle took a sip of coffee then quickly put the mug down as his glasses had immediately fogged. When his vision cleared Taako was right up next to him peering closely at his wood arm.  
“They are certainly gorgeous little things. Are you sure I haven’t seen you braiding these in your hair?” Taako brushed a strand of Merle’s messy mane behind his ear.  
“Nah, I usually go for something bigger and more flashy and not growing on me!” Merle’s voice rose with sarcasm.  
Taako laughed, sounding genuinely amused instead of sardonic. “You do have your own sense of style. It complements the team.”  
“Really? Because there’s been a few times I left the condo in casual wear and you guys tried to ditch me.”  
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Takko had been inching closer and now had his fingers twined in Merle’s beard.  
“What are you doing there, Taako?”  
“I don’t know what you mean,” Taako purred.  
“Are you drunk? Because there was that one time on the Starblaster when we found those unlabled bottles—”  
Taako cut him off with a kiss and Merle didn’t try to pull away. He didn’t know what was up with Taako be he’d be damned if he wasn’t going to enjoy it while it lasted. When Taako’s tongue forced its way into his mouth he was struck with a panicked thought.  
“W—whh—wait a minute!” Merle managed to push Taako off. “You have a boyfriend! And he already wants me dead!”  
“Hey, what happens on the moon stays on the moon.” Taako was licking his lips and shirking out of his clothes which Merle could now tell was a robe, an apron, and nothing else.  
“Oh boy,” sighed Merle, already regretting his decision. “I’m gonna back off here and let you cool down. You’re going a little fast.”  
Taako was not letting go and Merle realized how close to the edge of this, from his dwarvish perspective, very high stool he was.  
“I thought you were up for anything, pan-man.”  
“Look, why don’t we take this slow.” Merle pushed himself back and started to fall only to be caught out of the air by big, burly arms.  
“Hi guys.” Magnus sounded extra bubbly this morning. “What’s going on?”  
“Uh, we were having an intimate moment.” Taako was completely serious.  
“Aw, Merle, you know you can always come to me for a booty call.” Magnus’s tone was practically sassy.  
“Wha— Taako started it!”  
“Come on, lover, let’s take this elsewhere.”  
Taako scoffed as Magnus carried Merle’s bewildered ass back to the bedrooms. He set Merle down and was immediately all over the dwarf, kissing his face and trying to take off his shirt.  
“Magnus, stop, this isn’t like you.”  
“Of course it is,” Magnus whispered, breath hot in Merle’s ear. “Magnus rushes in.”  
“Maggie, no, we’ve done this enough times that I can tell something is wrong with you.” Merle pushed him back and stared into lustful, half glazed eyes. “Or there’s something wrong with me.” He slowly pieced it together. “I’ll tell you what, Mags, you give me a rain check while I get something checked out.” He gave Magnus a quick smooch and got up before he could be drawn back in.  
“What am I supposed to do with this?” Magnus gestured to the large bulge in his pants.  
“Ask Taako. He’s got the same problem.”  
Merle scurried out of the dorm before either of his teammates could catch him.  
Strolling across the moonbase lawn should have been a relaxing experience but Merle was on edge. He wasn’t sure what the range on this curse was, though he figured it had something to do with these damn flowers, and there were lots of new people on the moon base. It would not be a good first impression to magically drug everyone he came across today. He took a winding route to the director’s office, trying to avoid people and hoping that the smartest woman he knew could help him.  
Merle poked just his face around the door.  
“Hey Luce? Are you warded against, like, magic and stuff?”  
Lucretia stood up quickly, deep concern in her voice. “Merle? What happened?”  
“I kinda got a little curse,” said Merle sheepishly. “I need help. I don’t want to come in though unless you think it’s safe. I got some kind of curse that’s effecting people around me.”  
“Can you be more specific? Can you use your knowledge of the arcane to narrow down a school of magic?”  
“Uh, mind magic.”  
Lucretia sighed. “I’ll do my best wards.”  
Merle hung around nervously outside the door, waiting for her signal.  
“You may come in now,” Lucretia called. “Close the door.” She had her back to him and was searching through a book on her desk as Merle did as she asked.  
“Okay, so it started this morning when Taako started acting really funny around me.”  
“Taako was effected? Anyone else?”  
“Also Magnus. I’ve avoided everyone else on my way to see you. I think it has something to do with these flowers that grew out of my arm last night. They got a damn strange smell.”  
Lucretia rolled her head in a circle as she sniffed the air. “I don’t smell anything strange.”  
Merle was acutely aware of her change in tone. “Uh, well there is definitely something weird about them.”  
“You know, Merle, I think you might be over reacting. Perhaps you need some time to relax.” As she turned around she dropped her robes, and Merle realized that, same as their days on the Starblaster, Lucretia preferred to wear one layer and nothing else.  
Merle was still quite close to the door and was thinking about simply running when out of nowhere a spell splashed across Lucretia's warded skin doing no damage. She turned lazily only to have her six foot frame knocked flat by a body half her size.  
Davenport looked up at Merle, only his eyes peering through a hastily assembled mask. "Merle, you need to get out of here NOW. Go lock yourself in one of the moon-shot pods and wait until we can solve this. GO!"  
As he left, Merle saw Davenport with his stone of far-speech looking nervously down at what could only be described as writhing.

This was not good. Merle had to make it all the way across the base to the cannon without bumping into anybody, and if Lucretia's reaction was accurate he didn't need to get close at all for a person to get dosed. Maybe it was the smell that caused it...  
Merle straightened his glasses of perception. He could do this. He just had to be extra careful and roll well with anything that got thrown at him. Merle turned down a seldom used path between two domes and was completely blindsided when two strong arms slipped under his own and lifted him up, large fingers locking behind his head and immobilizing him.  
"Oh hell."  
Carey detached herself from her pretty obvious position leaning against the wall. "Hey Merle, we were just talking about you."  
Killian chuckled in Merle's ear.  
"Oh really?" he asked diplomatically.  
"All bad things I hope? How I constantly fail and always need rescuing?"  
Carey laughed. "You always say you need a strong, competent woman to save you. We were thinking," her gaze flashed behind Merle to Killian and a sinful look crept over her face, "maybe you'd like to pay us back."  
"Aw crap," muttered Merle as Carey put her hands to his chest.  
"We don't get close to a lot of people, certainly not men," Killian said in a lower voice than Merle had ever heard. "But you aren't like other men, are you?"  
Carey suddenly ripped Merle's shirt open so he quickly thought up the unsexiest thing he could say.  
"What about that dwarf Boyland? Huh? You girls were pretty close with him."  
"Not as close as we're about to be."

Merle wasn't sure what happened but the next thing he perceived was lying in a painful heap being prodded gently awake.  
"Get the hell away from me!" Merle shrieked as the figure leaning over him came into focus.  
"Quiet sir," Angus shushed him. "It's okay. I'm wearing a Null suit. Look."  
As Merle struggled to get his head to stop spinning he could now see Angus was wearing a custom fitted suit that looked much more high-tech than the ones he had seen before. Angus helped Merle disentangle himself from the two unconscious women.  
"Come with me, quickly." Angus spoke quietly and moved fast as he led Merle in a circuitous route. "It seems like everybody on the moon is affected. Captain Davenport contacted me right away and told me about your situation. But then he, uh..." Merle could see the boy blushing through his helmet. "He got effected too. And, um, he didn't turn off his stone of far-speech so we can't call out to anyone for help."  
"You kept listening in though, am I right?" Merle backed off at the look of horror on Angus's face. "Only joking, kid. So it's just you and me?"  
"Looks like it. Okay sir, in here."  
"You gonna blast me down to earth then?"  
"Oh gods no! Exposing the population to this contagion would be an extremely bad idea!"  
"You know, I could always take this arm off."  
"And then what, sir?"  
"Are you sassing me, Ango?"  
"Not at all." Angus's tone was as clear and pleasant as ever, but Merle could tell he was being facetious. "I really want to hear the next step in your plan."  
Merle glowered in his pod and didn't respond.  
"Captain Davenport's plan is to wait out the strongest effects before we try to find a cure. We should be safe as long as no one finds-- uh oh."  
Merle could hear a rapid knocking. "What is it, kid?"  
"It's Avi. He's asking where you are."  
"Is there a lock on your door?"  
"N-n- not a strong one."  
"Okay, Angus, you tell him where I am. He can't get into this pod."  
Seconds later a shirtless Avi slapped his hand down on the glass window of the door. "Open the pod," he said with a smile, the sound barely reaching Merle's ears.  
Merle feigned deafness, pointing at his ears and screwing up his face in confusion.  
"Um, sir?"  
"What is it Ango?"  
"There's more people coming."  
Now Merle could see behind Avi groups of unclothed people following their noses in a trance like state.  
"Well shit. A'right, I guess there is only one thing to do: pray."  
"Really, sir?"  
"Yep, this is gonna need divine intervention to solve." Merle clasped his hands together and bent his head--

\-- and he was back on the beach from his dream, but there was light now. The full moon was overhead and the figure he couldn't see before turned to face him.  
"Hey, buddy, what's up?" Pan's deep, melodic voice was awe-inspiring despite his casual nature. Merle thought carefully about what to say.  
"Pan, I'm in trouble. I've got these flowers and I don't know what they are."  
Pan laughed and gently lifted Merle's wooden hand to his face. "They are called Blessed Tansy, a favorite of mine. I hope you've enjoyed them." He plucked one of the small pink flowers with his teeth and ate it.  
A shudder ran through Merle's body as he stared into the satyr's strange and beautiful eyes. He could stay here a while, but no, there were people that still needed his help.   
"Thank you for the gift," Merle said breathlessly. "But I need to know how to cure my friends."  
Pan smiled as he sighed. "My sweet, sweet child. I shall give you a hint. A flower wants to spread its pollen, when that goal is fulfilled then the flower is finished." He leaned and pressed his cheek to Merle's and whispered, "You do know how to finish, don't you?"

Merle's eyes shot open. He was in the moon-shot pod, his sex-crazed friends were banging on the door, and there was something in his pants that was making it hard to think. "Ohhhhhh," he said, realizing what Pan meant. This wasn't the ideal place and time but thinking about Pan on the beach made it easier.

A quick minute later Merle relaxed and tried to catch his breath. He poked at the flowers on his arm which were changing color to a light blue and closed his eyes with relief.  
"Um, sir? Are you all right?"  
"Oh jeez, sorry about that kid. I'm okay. I'm okay. You can open the pod door now."  
"Are you sure that's a good idea? They aren't in their right minds out there!"  
"Relax, kid, I solved it. You just stay back."  
Slowly the door opened and before any hands could reach inside Merle could see Avi's eyes roll back up in his head. There was a chorus of gasping cries and the would-be attackers fell to the ground in writhing heaps. Merle carefully exited, trying not to step on the moaning bodies and started walking, watching people drop before him like he was leading a wave of orgasms. He spun around in the center of the quad for a minute, looking ridiculous but spreading the scent around in his own way, then continued to open all the doors he could find and shake his arm inside.

Merle figured he had gotten pretty much everybody and headed back to the THB suite. People were walking around now, avoiding eye contact, and Merle hasted his step, really not in the mood for answering questions.  
"Magnus? Taako?" Merle called.  
"In here."   
Merle wandered into Magnus's room. Either the new scent had wafted in through the window or the boys had figured out the cure without him because he found his two naked teammates cuddled up in a pile of pillows, Taako almost sleeping. Magnus reached out a hand.  
"C'mere and join us, Merle."  
That was an invitation not to be passed up.

**Author's Note:**

> I love Pan. I love Pan-sexual Merle.


End file.
